Gingerbread Woman

Feeling like Lady Macbeth

I couldn't sleep last night. There was a Lebanese woman on the news who's husband and son had been killed who really got to me. She looked into the camera and in perfect English told her story and asked the world for help. I felt like she was addressing me personally and was overwhelmed by my inability to do anything to assist her.

I rejoined the Labour Party a few weeks ago, it wasn't a decision I came lightly to. I'd lapsed partly due to being overseas, partly due to finding it hard to stay motivated with Blair's record on foreign policy.

Watching the 'Yo Blair' 'I've hand knitted you a jumper Mr President' exhange,
Seeing Britian play puppet as the Ayatollah and the Cowboy give others bombs to use in a game of 'who's the big dick?',
Listening to the men I worked so hard for so often, use excuses to explain why a ceasefire is not worth calling for immediately....
Makes me want to tear up my shiny new membership card.
I'm sure the Tories would do the same..
I believe that the way to change things is from the inside not the outside
I know that in lots of other areas my party has a record I can be proud of, but
That woman is in my head and I feel like the blood of her family is on my hands as long as I support a party that has done so little to protect her.

I look around. I know that the foreign policy position of Number Ten doesn't reflect the membership. Where are the voices saying that though? Only Kim Howells has said anything I understand and I know enough to doubt whether that was anything other than an engineered sop to pacify the activists.

I miss Mo, and Robin.
Yet again the supposed outspoken big cheeses, the politicians famed for being blunt and being direct seem to have choked on their toungues. Gordon, predictably by now, is lying low. As if by saying nothing he can be all things to all people, except of course any kind of help to the blood soaked innocents.

I know from my time in NUS how powerful the pro Isreal lobby in London is. I got taken to Israel by them, on a trip designed to make me keep my mouth shut. I understand why so many others do exactly that. It takes a brave politician to stand up and run the risk of being labelled anti-semetic when actually, they're pro peace.

I miss the innocence of opposition. I miss being able to wear my politics with honour. I miss feeling like things, really can, only get better. I don't know what to do about it but I do know that I need to find another career because the one I'm in demands silence and silence breeds complicity. I don't know how yet, but I do know that I need to find a way to feel less impotent when I get asked again for my help.

posted by The Gypsy @ 10:52 am